wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
