He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he thought i was a dude.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
