It's Friday. Sex?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
