i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
