my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
