My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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