wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
