Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
