You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
