just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm passing your future prison.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
