So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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