so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
