She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
