You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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