I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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