as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
