he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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