I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
