Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
