she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
