Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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