Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
