Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
