just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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