he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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