hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
