its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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