I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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