Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
