They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
