I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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