well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
