video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
