She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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