Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
