he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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