meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
