i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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