I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
