Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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