don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
