Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
