I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you didnt know i had herpes?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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