i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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