I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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