the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My vagina just clenched in fear
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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