i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
