Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
