You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We got so high we made milksteak
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Operation Purity has been aborted
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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