i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
