I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Four minutes until I can fart!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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