Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
