me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
