I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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